Dancing Through Life

A Surprise

2009-11-30T10:43:00.000-08:00

I've been diagnosed with fibromyalgia. And I'm surprised.

I've had muscle pain for quite a long time. Like ten years, a long time. Maybe longer. But it came and went, usually around a really hard workout or many classes, especially back-to-back classes. In the last ten plus years, I've taken a semi-trailer of ibuprofen to sleep, sometimes as much as 1000 mg. In the morning, the pain was gone and I would do it again. I would forget. Seriously, I would forget, I wouldn't think about it.

This fall, however, the pain stayed. And settled in. I started another job, teaching composition at a local college. I teach night classes, 6 p.m. to 9:40 p.m. three nights a week. Being on my feet three hours and forty minutes a night and my five Nia classes was what it took to for my body to get my attention, to make me remember. There were days I could barely walk and those days I mostly slept. I went to the doctor and found out there was nothing wrong with me.

Thus, the fibromyalgia diagnosis. When there's nothing organically wrong with the patient, and the patient is in so much pain she can't get through her days: fibromyalgia.

I've done a lot of research in the past six weeks. There are so many different theories on what causes fibromyalgia that one could compile an encyclopedia type book, organize them alphabetically and still remain answerless. I am one of millions of women who suffer from this condition, which has obviously gotten worse as I have aged. And I'm surprised that the treatment, and much of the information available, is not about the cause of the condition but about managing the symptoms.

I don't want to manage my symptoms. I want to heal my body. I don't want to restrict my life, I want to live it. I don't want to take pain meds, or anti-depressants. I understand completely how people lose their lives to this condition, but I don't want to lose mine. I want to know what causes this pain, and fix it, so I can get on with my life. I've got a lot to do.

I've received a lot of well meaning advice, thank you very much. However, cutting back on teaching my Nia classes isn't an option for me. Nia has not been the source of pain, the pain is in my body. And Nia is my Joy, my passion, the time when I feel most alive.

I'm taking mega doses of anti-oxidants and I think I feel better. Though my doctor doesn't agree with what I am doing. I'm going to try different things and see what works.

And in the meantime, I'll be on the dance floor.

I Can't Commit

2009-06-03T07:37:00.000-07:00

I've been hearing this sentence lately: "I can't commit."

Mostly, I've heard it in regards to Nia classes. Students want a flexible schedule so that they can attend a class when their calendar is open, when no other pressing business fills it in. I can understand that. We all have busy lives and juggle obligations. Business, family, friends. And I can understand it on a societal level.

GM gave the big "I can't commit" this week and declared bankruptcy. Too big, mismanaged and too many obligations, GM needs a flexible schedule to pay or not pay, to do what it can and leave the rest. Can't commit to its workers, to the nation, to the union--I get that too.

Of what value is commitment? I can only speak in terms of my Nia practice and my commitment to empowering women by reconnecting them with their bodies. Depth. The value of commitment is depth. In my life, my commitment to a Nia practice was a commitment to myself and my own personal growth. Being deeply connected to my body, to it's sensations and messages has enhanced my life, my emotional balance, my physical balance, my health, my outlook.

For me, for Nia, my body's sensations aren't 'out there,' they are internal. Too much 'out there' for me is a personal bankruptcy. I become unfocused, scattered and I drop the ball, flake out. I'm tired. I can't commit.

I saw a coffee cup in the Hallmark store yesterday that said, "I Want It All." And there's the conflict. We want it all. GM wanted to be everyone's car company.

And, I believe, we sacrifice depth. If GM is any example at all, the company is declaring itself a leaner company, with fewer, quality products. More depth, less All.

By the way, speaking of leaner and referring to earlier posts, I've lost 22 lbs., love my bioidentical hormones, and I'm feeling great!

What are you committed to?

Getting fit after 50

2009-03-02T10:34:00.000-08:00

I've been off my blog for six weeks. In that time, I've gone on the bioidentical hormones. The relief has been almost immediate. I feel much better, more energy, just more like myself. I'm having sex dreams, dreams absent from my dream repertoire for many years. However, I'm still waking up with hot flashes, less severe than before, and I'm still having trouble sleeping. I think I need a tweak or two, but I'm very happy with how I feel.

I declared my Nia as my business in the past six weeks as well. My business is to share the Joy of Movement through Nia. To that end, I've been getting in shape myself. Nia does work, slims you down, increases your heart capacity, relieves stress--all good stuff. But, for me, it's not going like it has in the past.

I have always been able to drop weight. I know what and how to eat; I know increasing my exercise will melt it off. This time, it's much, much, much slower. I feel discouraged. My body has changed.

And my attitude has changed. I don't know what I'm willing to do to take off the weight, and what I'm willing to do to maintain the loss.

Why is being fit such a struggle for middle-aged women? What do our lives have to look like to be fit?

I'm not liking this much.

Bioidentical hormones

2009-01-13T08:16:00.000-08:00

I'm going to a doctor today to explore the possibility of bio identical hormones because I'm tired of being tired. I don't sleep well because of hot flashes, heart palpitations and anxiety. I'm mildly depressed--a condition I've learned to live with my entire life. Everything is a struggle. I'm menopausal. My sex drive is gone. I'm looking for some help.

I've taken lots of drugs for these symptoms over the years. Prozac, Zoloft, most recently Effexor, as well as traditional HRT. Anti-depressants kill my sex drive, even though I feel better, and on HRT I gained 30 lbs. in 6 months. You KNOW how long I stayed on HRT! About 6 months.

I'm willing to give this a try. I eat well, vegetables and protein. I exercise regularly. But I don't have any energy and there's a lot I need to do.

I'll keep the blog up-to-date on how this goes. We'll see.

Oprah wants our stories

2009-01-12T11:05:00.000-08:00

Oprah is soliciting stories about exercise and now is our chance to tell her about Nia! You need to be a registered user of Oprah's Web site, oprah.com. It doesn't cost anything to register and you can unclick the list of email publications that will be sent to your email address so that you don't receive anything from the site, unless you want it.

Everyone knows the power of Oprah. Just imagine the entire country, no, the entire world tuned into their bodies, opening their hearts and experiencing the bliss of Nia. Nia at the White House working out with Michelle and the girls. Barak too! Madonna on Nia. A special segment on 'Dancing with the Stars' of 50-somethings dancing Nia! The possibilities are limitless!!!

So, please take a few minutes to tell Oprah about your experience with Nia. Be ready to include three mid-sized photographs of yourself as it won't send without photos. Register on the site and then come back to this blog and clink on the following link:

https://www.oprah.com/plugform_nodata.jsp?plugId=839144&referer=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.oprah.com%2Ftows

Let's change the world!

What to do with sore muscles

2009-01-08T08:17:00.000-08:00

Like many women at the beginning of the year, my muscles are sore from working out. While expanding Nia in the Detroit area, I'm doing more classes and demonstrations. I subbed a class last Tuesday and I'm feeling it!

Unlike other fitness aficionados, I don't like being sore. Sore muscles don't reward me. I don't think, "Wow! I must really be working hard, I hurt! Woo hoo!" I think instead, "How can I get out of this? Warm bath? Arnica? Advil?" If I'm really sore, I can't sleep. And sleep is high on my list of things I need to be a reasonable human being. Before bed, I stretch, I massage my legs, shoulders, and arms with a hand held massager (not one of those), and I take Advil and GABA-calm to relax. Even then, on the nights I'm really sore, I often hear the grandfather clock in the living room strike two, or even three, before I fall asleep. So what to do? I did some research.

Most exercise experts no longer believe that sore muscles are caused by a build up of lactic acid in the muscle. Instead, soreness comes from microscopic tears that occur in the muscle fiber when it's not yet strong enough to do what you are asking of it. That's why I'm sore when I teach more classes, or up the intensity of my dance. When the muscle is torn, it swells, and you experience stiff and sore muscles. How to heal those tears?

Rest. I'm not talking about taking the day off and laying in bed. You can rest the muscles and still work out, just take it easy. Take a walk. Take a Nia class at level one. Ride your bike. Whatever you want to do, but at a level of exertion well below the level that made you hurt. Gently moving the muscles increases the blood flow and helps the muscles to heal.

Topicals. Arnica is good, so is BioFreeze. One article I read online suggested wrapping the muscle in a cloth soaked with cider vinegar. I've never tried that. I think the smell would get to me.

Warm or cold? I don't know. Experts disagree on this one. Cold reduces the swelling in the muscle, but warm feels better. I do know that hot is not good at all. But a warmish bath with some Epsom salts would be just the thing my grandmother would recommend. She liked Epsom salts.

I did read an article suggesting ice baths. Yikes! The writer, who was a runner, suggested putting two or three bags of ice in a tub and then filling the tub with cold water to cover the ice. Then he donned a hat and jacket, gathered some reading material to make the time go by fast (yeah, I wonder what that material was!) and got in the tub for 10 - 20 minutes! This isn't as far fetched as it seems. The athletic club I belonged to in Lansing had a cold tub, and I witnessed people getting in it. I witnessed them getting in as I was relaxing in the hot tub that was next to the cold tub. I know it works; I just don't know how people can stand it. (Unless there's something in that reading material...)

Massage. It hurts so good to have your muscles massaged when they are sore. Self massage works almost as well as a masseuse. Take a look at The Stick at http://www.thestick.com/. Also, bodyrolling balls work great. I got mine at Inspired Wellness on Adams Rd. in Birmingham. Foam rollers are another option. Check out http://www.performbetter.com/. They offer dense foam rollers that last a long time.

Prevention. It's important to warm up the muscles before working out. This is one of the reasons I love Nia. The first two songs warm up the body before we really get moving. But there isn't such a thing as too much warm up. Feel free to come to class early and stretch out before class begins. Stretch more after class ends. If you can, walk or bike to class.

I hate being sore, but I love being strong and fit. And it helps to know that this sore muscles stage is temporary. Eventually, I'll be back in shape.

If you have any tried and true remedies for sore muscles, please feel free to leave them in the comments. We can all use help healing our muscles until they catch up to our fitness goals.

Creating Vision

2009-01-05T09:02:00.000-08:00

Happy New 2009 to EveryBody!

Below are the directions to another powerful new year intention practice: the vision collage. I received the following in an email from Winalee Zeeb, Nia first degree black belt and trainer, from Lansing. Winalee is my teacher and my inspiration, and has been for the past 13 years.

This year, along with my 100 list, I created a collage as well. Creating a strong and vibrant Nia community in Detroit is at the center of my collage, as well as creating my own strong and vibrant body. The two go hand in hand.

So, here's Winalee:

They (the vision collage) hold powerful possibility and intention. I just looked at the one I made last year. Surely, I have experienced all my heart chose for the collage last year.

Simply gather magazines... meditate prior if you choose to set your intention to allow your heart wisdom to choose and not your ego. Then...open & tear or use scissors to create a pile of photos or words you wish to place on your board.

The key for me in this process is ...no inner dialogue or thinking...stay in RAW listening for your heart guidance. Your heart will let you know when you have all you need for your poster board...then create in any way your heArtisty guides you...

We all face challenges in 2009. How we respond to those challenges will be our choice. Creating a vision for ourselves can be our guide to navigating our challenges with grace. I like this practice because my vision comes out of my head and becomes visual, and concrete. A reminder that I am in charge of me.

The 100s List

2008-12-21T17:52:00.001-08:00

Many years ago I was introduced a new years practice called the 100s List. The 100s list is a list of 100 desires you want to manifest in your life in the next year.

Though I've gotten away from writing the list, in years past I've taken the time to think through and list 100 things I wanted in my life. Then, I put the list away. At the end of the year, I reviewed the list. I had approximately a 70 percent manifest rate. Without thinking about the list, without trying to manifest anything, or make anything happen, I brought 70 percent of my desires into my life.

The list takes time to write. Days actually. It takes some thought to write down a hundred things you want in your life. The items can be physical things: I want a new navy blue Toyota Camry, or a practice: I want to write for an hour every day. Over time I developed my own way of writing the list. I divided the list into catagories such as: financial, personal growth, relationships, career, etc. The process has evolved to where I had 10 catagories with 10 specifics in each, but you can do it anyway you want. There's no right way to write the list.

The list is yours. You can't manifest anything for anyone else: I want my son to find the love of his life, get married and make me a grandmother. You can't use the list to control other people; it doesn't work. The list is 100 desires you are taking on for your life.

This year I'm writing a list. I've even given it a theme: integrity. I will manifest the quality of integrity in every aspect of my life this year. I will manifest the habit of being my word--when I say something, everyone in my life can count on my word being true. I will manifest financial integrity--to make progress in paying all my debts. And that's as far as I've gotten. Oh, I have some specific steps towards those manifestations, but you get the idea.

I'm looking forward to this time next year when I review this list. I'm looking forward to checking off the things I created for myself.

I invite you to take the time this season to write a 100s list. Not a list of resolutions, but a list of everything you invite into your life. It can't hurt.

Oprah's Weight, Part 2

2008-12-15T13:18:00.000-08:00

Since my last post on Oprah's article in the January "O" about her food addiction, her thyroid disease and her 40 lb. weight gain, I've been bothered by something. She says (in a bold, blue lettered title) "I'm mad at myself. I'm embarrassed. I can't believe that after all these years, I'm still talking about my weight."

I'm mad at myself. I'm embarrassed. Huh. My first reaction to her confession is that Oprah is really hard on herself. On the other hand, she takes total responsibility for where she finds herself. Total responsibility. And yes, in a way she is hard on herself, but then, look who she is and what this amazing woman accomplishes in her life.

I'm often tempted to be mad at other people, or the circumstances I delude myself into thinking are holding me back. In reality, though, if I take full responsibility for my life, the only person to be mad at is me. Is it OK to be mad at myself? If I choose not to wallow it is. If I use 'mad at myself' to motivate myself to do something differently. If I use 'mad at myself' to take responsibility. If, like Oprah, I use 'mad at me' to start again.

Later in the article she writes: "If you're looking for an excuse to fall off the wagon, the universe will provide one. That's what I've learned. It's not enough to claim to care about yourself; when you believe that you're worthy of the space you occupy on the planet, you demonstrate that by insisting that every last one of your choices--from the food you put in your mouth to the commitments you put on your calendar--moves you toward the life you want..."

What a standard--every last one of your choices... moves you toward the life you want. What would my life look like if I was constantly aware that every last one of my choices moves me, either towards the life I want, or keeps me in the life I have? Every last one.

That is self-love. A high standard, honest, don't let yourself off the hook, tough love self-love.

I've got to think about this some. I want to create the life I envision for myself. For the new year I'm committing to 'every one of my choices' and the 'mad at myself' motivation to get it done.

Oprah's Weight

2008-12-13T12:51:00.000-08:00

I love Oprah. I love that she is a powerful woman who uses her influence to make this world a better place. I love the spiritual seeking Oprah--the one who is visibly delighted when Skyp-ing readers of her book club pick, "A New Earth" with Ekhart Tolle last summer. I love her magazine and I know if I had the time to watch her show regularly, I would love her show. I love that Oprah makes people: Dr. Phil, Suze Orman, countless authors whose books she recommends, Bob Greene, etc. etc. etc.

And I love that she is still talking about her weight, though she is not. In the January issue of "O" she is on the cover juxtaposed with a picture of herself at 160 fit-and-trim pounds. She weighs 200 now. In the article she admits to all the head-shot covers of the last year of issues because, as she said, "I didn't want to be seen."

I love her because she is just so honest. I love her because she is just so courageous.

I wouldn't have done that cover.

I'm not addicted to food; I'm addicted to looking good. Weight for me isn't about health, it's about how I look. I'm 53, post menopausal with all the body changes that go with my age and hormone levels. I've had liposuction. I've been on no sugar, low-carb diets. I've gone from a size 6 five years ago to a size 10 now. And I have worked on accepting myself, loving myself just as I am. I know the talk as well as Oprah. And, like Oprah, I feel like a fat cow. There I said it. Oprah gave me permission. That's why I love her.

What Oprah says in the article is what she was hungry for was balance.

"What I've learned this year is that my wieght issue isn't about eating less or working out harder, or even about a malfunctioning thyroid. It's about my life being out of balance, with too much work and not enough play, not enough time to calm down. I let the well run dry," she said.

What am I hungry for? Work I love. I'm hungry to do good in this world. I'm hungry to write regularly on topics that reach other women. And I'm hungry to be a woman who is her word and doesn't hide. I'm not hungry for looking good; I'm hungry for being good.

I love Oprah's closing words.

"In 2009, dare I, dare all of us give ourselves all the love and care we need to be healthy, to be well, and to be whole? I know for sure that for each moment of this brand-new year, I'm gonna try."

I'm on it.

What are you hungry for?

What to do with sick

2008-12-07T10:22:00.000-08:00

I have been sick this week. Not just sick but fever, can't-lift-my-head-off-the-pillow, sleep-around-the-clock sick. For a week. On Thursday, day five, I was afraid I didn't have the strength to walk my Bichon around the block and once I started, I counted the houses I had to pass until I returned to my front door. Three more houses, two more, one.

Yesterday, Saturday, I taught my Nia class. I walked through the routine and I still gasped for breath. And I thought I was much better. Last night, I ran another fever.

What I noticed, besides the obvious symptoms, is how my boss and my professor reacted to me not showing up to work or class. And then, what I made that mean.

First though, I do have to say that in my past I have made a moral imperative out of going to work, no matter what. I have taught Nia classes with pneumonia. For the majority of my life, I appointed myself Martyr of the Perfect Attendance Award. And as a public school teacher, I always had to weigh the time and effort of preparing for a sub with "can I just get through the day?" My principal wasn't one to condone giving a sub a video for the kids to watch; he expected "learning to continue." So, 99 percent of the time, I went in, put on the video that wasn't OK for a sub to show and rested my head on my desk.

This illness though, I wouldn't have made it to school. And I didn't make it to work. My boss, on the second day I called in, instructed me to go to Urgent Care and get antibiotics. Now, I don't have health insurance and was pretty sure, from my research on the current circulating respiratory infection, that I had a virus. I didn't go. On the third day, he didn't answer his phone or return my call.

My professor seemed to assume I was lying.

Now, I know it is inconvenient when an employee is sick and there's no sub to fill in. And I'm sure my professor has heard every excuse from students, so both their reactions are understandable. But no one died. The publication didn't collapse because of the three days I didn't write articles. Wayne State University busied itself with bomb threats and didn't notice my absence. But what I'm most pleased about is that I don't feel guilty. Nor responsible. I was sick. I took care of myself before I took care of other people.

This isn't an easy lesson for me but it's one I'm learning. To resist other's judgements and do what is right for me and for my health. To respect my body's messages when it needs sleep and care. To not override my instincts about what is best for me.

I feel better today. I can think. And I have some catching up to do. But I'll go to school tomorrow and the paper on Tuesday and life will continue.

Shopping Guernica

2008-11-30T11:51:00.000-08:00

In today's (Nov. 30, 2008) New York Times is an article titled, "A Shopping Guernica Captures the Moment," by Peter Goodman. Goodman calls the Wal-Mart temp trampled to death in the early morning hours of Black Friday by 200 frantic shoppers a tragedy. A man dying in the entry of a Wal-Mart the day after Thanksgiving is a tragedy and a powerful symbol.

I've never been a shopper in general and I've never been a Black Friday shopper, so I don't know shopping as a contact sport first hand. Having worked as a public school teacher for 22 years, I've never had much discretionary income to shop or to go into debt. And I've never been drawn to getting up at 4:30 a.m. for any reason, let alone to go shopping. But I've been told repeatedly that the economy doesn't need too many like me.

Money, like blood in the body, must circulate for the economy to be healthy. In the nation's current circumstances, money is stagnant. Wages, in real terms, have fallen over the last eight years. Pensions, turned into 401K plans, have relinquished over half their value in the Wall Street meltdown. Jobs have been outsourced to countries with much cheaper labor and lower standards of living. Personally, I just left the workforce and with my savings hemorrhaging and 12 years until I can collect my state pension (which probably won't be there in 12 years anyway), I'm really worried. How do I start again? And where can I get a job, or create a job, that will earn me a living and can't be outsourced to India?

But I'd like to know more about that Valley Stream Wal-Mart temp. Who was he? How old was he?What were the circumstances that placed him at 5 a.m. trying to "police an unruly crowd worried about missing out," as Goodman says. Was he recently retired? Was he laid off? Outsourced? What was the state of his retirement savings?

And to be trampled by shoppers. Who were the people that walked on his back and legs as he fell to the tiled floor? Were they laid off? Had they been outsourced? What were the circumstances that placed them at 5 a.m. stepping on a human being's neck and shoulders to get 50 percent off an MP3 player? Were they like me?

I think that where we find ourselves this holiday season-as consumers, as workers, and as people who traditionally acknowledge our loved ones with gifts--is faced with an opportunity to wake up and transform what it means to express our best selves in a country that is in financial cardiac arrest. Surely there is another way to express our love than a frantic storming of the doors at 5 a.m.

The kind of desperation that drove those shoppers through the Wal-Mart doors to grind their heels through a temporary worker's blue vest needs to be confronted for the monster that it is. Year after year people have paid lip-service to dismay at the commercialization of Christmas. The death of the Wal-Mart temp is a powerful message that it is time to do things differently--during this Christmas season and going forward.

I had to look up the word 'guernica' from the title of the article. Guernica is a painting by Picasso that depicts the devastation of war on citizens. Shopping as a war with devastating effects on citizens. Huh.

Welcome

2008-11-29T12:16:00.000-08:00

I'm 53 years old and I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. A dilemma. I'm pulled between wanting and needing a job and my fear of and pull to create a Living. Oh so Baby Boomer, eh?

Welcome to Dancing Through Life!

I've joined the 12 million bloggers on the Web because I've been writing in school--a master's degree in writing and journalism courses post masters--for years now and I still haven't been able to write what I want to write about. Here I will give myself assignments. Right now I envision this as being a place for reviewing books, reporting on women's health issues, Nia, music, inspiration, and whatever else comes up. A column of sorts.

We'll see. Thanks for reading.