Oprah's Weight, Part 2

Since my last post on Oprah's article in the January "O" about her food addiction, her thyroid disease and her 40 lb. weight gain, I've been bothered by something. She says (in a bold, blue lettered title) "I'm mad at myself. I'm embarrassed. I can't believe that after all these years, I'm still talking about my weight."

I'm mad at myself. I'm embarrassed. Huh. My first reaction to her confession is that Oprah is really hard on herself. On the other hand, she takes total responsibility for where she finds herself. Total responsibility. And yes, in a way she is hard on herself, but then, look who she is and what this amazing woman accomplishes in her life.

I'm often tempted to be mad at other people, or the circumstances I delude myself into thinking are holding me back. In reality, though, if I take full responsibility for my life, the only person to be mad at is me. Is it OK to be mad at myself? If I choose not to wallow it is. If I use 'mad at myself' to motivate myself to do something differently. If I use 'mad at myself' to take responsibility. If, like Oprah, I use 'mad at me' to start again.

Later in the article she writes: "If you're looking for an excuse to fall off the wagon, the universe will provide one. That's what I've learned. It's not enough to claim to care about yourself; when you believe that you're worthy of the space you occupy on the planet, you demonstrate that by insisting that every last one of your choices--from the food you put in your mouth to the commitments you put on your calendar--moves you toward the life you want..."

What a standard--every last one of your choices... moves you toward the life you want. What would my life look like if I was constantly aware that every last one of my choices moves me, either towards the life I want, or keeps me in the life I have? Every last one.

That is self-love. A high standard, honest, don't let yourself off the hook, tough love self-love.

I've got to think about this some. I want to create the life I envision for myself. For the new year I'm committing to 'every one of my choices' and the 'mad at myself' motivation to get it done.